Translation Guide (What the Catalog Really Says

By John Moore, Once & Future (?) KCMGA

Garden catalogs are sometimes a bit optimistic in their plant descriptions.  To aid the unwary gardener, we’ve assembled a translation guide which will tell you what you’ll actually get when . . .

The catalog says: It actually means:

                “Vigorous grower”                                                              Rampant; will overtake and choke slow moving pets

                “Light fragrance”                                                                 A bloodhound couldn’t track it

                “Rosy purple”                                                                      Magenta

                “Lovely pink mauve”                                                          Magenta

                “Natural rose color”                                                            Magenta

                “Tall border specimen”                                                       Almost a tree

                “Leaves have a spicy flavor”                                             You’ll spit it out

                “Plant stays within bounds”                                              Weak grower

                “Reminds some of water chestnuts”                                Reminds others of watery roots

                “Traditional wildflower”                                                     A flowering weed we’re trying to sell

                “Self sows”                                                                           You’ll never be rid of them

                “5 fruits on 1 tree!”                                                              A fool and his money are soon parted

Notwithstanding the above, mail-order gardening can be fun.  You can check out other’s opinions of mail order firms on the Internet at http://pbmfaq.dvol.com/index.html.  Caveat hortensis emptor.  (Gardening buyer beware or Beware of the gardener who grows emptors.)