You Might be a Master Gardener if…….

Mary Perdue-Jones, Provisional Master Gardener 2004

You might be a Master Gardener if . . .

• you grow something besides old.
• Latin names actually MEAN something to you.
• you know that Sevin is not a number.
• you consider “weed” to be a four-letter word.
• the veins in your forehead start to throb at the mention of Japanese beetles.
• your wedding ring spends more time on the ledge above the sink than on your hand.
• you know 101 ways to kill a slug - and recite them with joy in your voice.
• the fruit drawer in your fridge is full of seed packets.
• you carry photos of your garden in your wallet.
• you understand that compost happens.
• your potting shed has more garden products than half of the garden centers in town.
• you don’t understand why no one makes "I Brake for Garden Centers" bumper stickers.
• your yard is cleaner than your house! 
• you believe that a truck load of topsoil is a wonderful birthday present.
• your friends and family don't bother to call you on the telephone if it's nice outside because they know you're out in the garden.
• your husband gives you a diamond tennis bracelet and you think to yourself,   "Gee, for the price of this he could have bought me a greenhouse."
• your neighbors no longer call the police when they see a filthy figure in baggy clothes crouching over your window boxes.
• your Christmas wish list contains items such as a chipper/shredder, a wheelbarrow, landscaping timbers, gardening reference books, and gift certificates to local garden centers.
• you attend a support group where your first words are, “Hello, my name is ______________, and I’m a Master Gardener.”